before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
