Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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