Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
