I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
