I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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