I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
