Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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