I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
