Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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