he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
