Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
