i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
