yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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