remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
