Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
