Dude my mom stole all your condoms
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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