That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
