why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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