he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
