you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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