why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
