MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
