i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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