I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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