I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's never too late to be topless.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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