I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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