Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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