dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
