Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
