I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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