Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
