your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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