My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
