can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
