: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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