Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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