She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
