Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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