I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
