I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
