I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
