dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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