Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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