We're facebook friends in real life
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
