I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
