The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
