This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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