I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
