its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
