16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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