well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
