Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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