Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
