Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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